Battling Bitterness

Matt Troupe

Several Sunday's ago someone asked a question about how to deal with bitterness when it already seems to have set in? And how can we use scripture to help us?

Working through questions like this is important because it not only helps us with bitterness, it helps us understand how we deal with other temptations. The word of God, and particularly His word of grace, is an important weapon for battling sin. 

We see this in Psalm 119:11 "I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."  The word stored up in the heart - memorized and meditated upon, prayed over and preached to our own hearts - is a way to avoid sin. We see the psalmist apply this specifically to fear, Psalm 56:3 "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" There is a connection between battling fear, trusting God, and recalling and repeating  his words. We need to talk to ourselves using God's truth. "What can flesh do to me?"

When in the wilderness being tempted by the Devil, Jesus replied to each temptation by quoting an appropriate scripture to fend off the attacks of the devil. (Matt 4:1-11).  There is no better example than Jesus.

Websters 1828 Dictionary defines bitterness as "extreme enmity, grudge, hatred; or rather an excessive degree or implacableness of passions and emotions; as the bitterness of anger."  This kind of grudge can be the result of being harmed by others in big ways, or from the accumulation of numerous small offenses. It is often the fruit of a failure to forgive. When we are obsessed with the failings of others and cannot let them go, this often ripens into bitterness. This moves us from being upset about some particular sin (or sins) to seeing everything another person does as intolerable.  We put on red glasses and everything looks sinister. Bitterness in one area can make our souls broadly raw and irritated. 

One way to address specific sins is to ask how scriptural authors dealt with the particular temptation in question. 

The Apostle Paul wrote, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Eph. 4:31)

Jesus deals with forgiveness the same way as Paul, by connecting our need to forgive others with our own forgiveness. Matt 6:14-15 "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."  We know from the rest of what Jesus said, that he is not teaching that we earn forgiveness from God by forgiving others.  But the two are clearly connected.  Consider Matt 18:21-35 and the parable of the unforgiving servant. It is the greatness of our own debts, and the outrageous greatness of God's forgiveness that motivates us to forgive others. The person that does not, and cannot forgive others, shows they do not understand God's forgiveness and have ultimately not been forgiven. The person given over to bitterness does not understand this parable. They see the debt of others as large, their own debt as small and the mercy of God as small and inconsequential. 

So if you find yourself struggling with bitterness against others, first, ask God to help you see the struggle clearly. Then you should confess it and repent. Call it what God calls it, and receive mercy from Christ (I John 1:9). But then go on to spend time reflecting on the greatness of your own sin, and the even greater ocean of grace that bears it all away. When we are gripped by these two realities this will be a good place to grow in our fight against bitterness.

Another surprising connection to bitterness is pride. When we forget our own sins, we are tempted toward pride. We might even believe that because of our own righteousness, we should not have to deal with the sins and struggles of others. That we deserve better. In my experience, bitterness is tied to self righteousness.  

In addition to the scriptures above, here are some passages to memorize and meditate on in context.

Luke 7:47 "Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."