Unanswered Prayer

A great question came up on Sunday as we did an extended time of answering questions on prayer.  The first message on prayer can be found here. That message was an argument for spending more time with God in prayer in the New Year. We had so many great questions on that first Sunday that we decided to take the next Sunday to answer them. You can find the second session audio here.

The question that came up is this: What do you do when you don’t believe that God is going to answer your prayer? And some of this has to do with coming to grips that God may not, and at times probably won’t answer your prayer the way you are asking.   This is a tough question and one that goes to the root of our faith and view of God. It is NOT simply an academic exercise. It involves times where we are praying for legitimate things—like the life of loved ones—and he does not answer our prayers…. At least the way we asked.

The main text we looked at on Sunday was from Matthew 7:7-11 (ESV)

“7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

I believe this passage provides one of the best frameworks for understanding the heart of God in prayer:  that of a generous and loving parent. This perspective says that we should come to God with confidence because he is far more generous and good than the best human parent. And most parents I know LOVE to give their children good gifts. There is little that is more satisfying than seeing your children enjoy and delight in the gifts you give them. This is why Jesus can promise that everyone that asks receives, everyone that seeks finds, and everyone that knocks will have the door open to them. This promise is certainly expansive. But it is not a blank check for us to demand anything our heart desires. I found this out as a teenager when my prayers for a jet pack were not answered. Ridiculous, isn’t it. Almost as ridiculous as some of the things we pray for as adults.

Jesus’ illustration helps us to come to God with confidence, but it also explains why so often God does not immediately answer our prayers. He said it would be unthinkable for a father to give his son a snake when he asks for a fish. True. The reverse is also true. If his son asks for a snake, either knowingly or unknowingly, his father is not going to march down to Rattlesnake Depot to get junior a new pet. It would be BAD for the child.

Sometimes we ask for things that are bad for us. Or it may be that we are asking for something too soon. We are not yet ready to handle it. Last week a 2 year old at Walmart in Idaho got ahold of the gun in his mother’s purse and killed her.  If we are honest, there are times when we have asked God for a loaded gun, and he graciously said NO.  Or maybe he said, “not yet.” Maybe that gift comes 15 years later when you are ready for it.

But what about the times when we aren’t asking for a gun or a rattlesnake? What about the times when we are asking for something good? Like the healing of a child or spouse? What about the times when God doesn’t answer those requests? What about the fear that we have when we come to him in those situations?

This is where we must bow low and appreciate both his gracious heart and his wise plan. His ways are not our ways. And there are times when parents decide not to give their children even good things for reasons the child may not understand. But isn’t it funny how time, experience, and maturity changes our perspective? There are plenty of times I shook my fist at my parents for telling me “NO.” As a teenager those denials felt like tyranny. Now they make perfect sense.  The fact that my dad said “no,” or “wait” are evidence that he was a good father and that he loved me.  And I am actually better off because of what he did. 

Recently my own son was going to take some Motrin for a headache. He asked me how often he could take the medicine. I have a background in healthcare. I definitely know the answer. But he was holding the bottle in his hand, and so I did not tell him the answer. I told him to read the label for himself. At that moment there was a chance for my son to overcome a streak of laziness and learn how to find important information on his own. He may have rolled his eyes at me, but I didn’t give in.

God has a great heart for us. He delights to answer our prayers. He is also a wise parent and his plan for us is sometimes far different, and far more glorious than our plan for us.   What we need to believe is that our God--the one that framed the galaxies--knows more and better than we do.  He has a plan that includes many joys, but also includes many difficulties. Those parts of his plan are not an accident. They are just as much a part of his gracious heart as the times of ease and plenty. Good doctors frequently put their patients through pain in order to help them heal.

He is also a wise parent and his plan for us is sometimes far different, and far more glorious than our plan for us.

And this is where we ought to remember that prayer is NOT just about changing our circumstances. Sometimes it is about changing us. Sometimes it is about seeking God for grace and strength to love and trust him through the difficult parts of his life.  God’s people must learn to pray, “Nevertheless, thy will be done.” (Matt 26:42, 2 Cor. 12:7-9)

Photo used with permission Nathan Gibbs. Some rights reserved

Resources For Prayer

Sunday we looked at God’s word and my goal was that you would make it your resolution to pray more in 2015. We had lots of great questions and the sermon will be uploaded soon. We are planning to deal with this topic again this coming Sunday because it seems there is more to say, and you have lots of lingering concerns.

I had a handout to encourage you in some practical areas of prayer. You can download the handout here. 

I referenced a few resources and wanted to share them with you:

The Handbook for Prayer by Kenneth Boa is available on Amazon Kindle for around $10, if you want a hardcopy you can buy it at his website here for more money. I bought a used one for cheap on Ebay. But there aren't a lot of those floating around.

I mentioned the ACTS prayer method. If you want to explore this more, RC Sproul has this to say 

Pastor Matt

Photo by Dopiaza used by permission, some rights reserved

Luther on Matthew 2 & the Magi

"We see here how Christ has three kinds of disciples.

1. The priests and scribes, who know the Scripture and teach it to everybody, and do not come up to it themselves.
2. Herod, who believes the Scripture, that Christ is now born; and yet goes right against it, trying to prevent what it says from being done.  
3. The pious Magi, who left country and house and home, and made it their one concern to find Christ."

Quoted in: Broadus, John Albert. Commentary on Matthew. Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications, 1990. Http://www.studylight.org/commentaries/jbm/print.cgi?bk=39&ch=2&vs=1. Studylight.org. Web.

Douglas Moo On Misunderstanding James 4 in Planning and Profit

We are going through the book of James on Sunday mornings and this is a good place to share some extra meat and scraps from the table:

"However, we need to guard against a misinterpretation at this point. It would be terribly tempting (and some interpreters have succumbed to the temptation) to find here a rebuke of those who are out to make a profit at all. The economic system we call capitalism, in other words, might be the real target of James’s polemic. But, whatever we might think about the compatibility of Christianity and the profit motive of capitalism, it would be wrong to find any critique here. As the following verses make clear, James is not rebuking these merchants for their plans or even for their desire to make a profit. He rebukes them rather for the this-worldly self-confidence that they exhibit in pursuing these goals—a danger, it must be said, to which businesspeople are particularly susceptible. And we should guard here against another kind of misinterpretation: the idea that James is forbidding Christians from all forms of planning or of concern for the future. Taking out life insurance and saving for retirement, for instance, are not condemned by James; these may very well be a form of wise stewardship. What James rebukes here, as v. 16 will make clear, is any kind of planning for the future that stems from human arrogance in our ability to determine the course of future events."

Moo, Douglas J. The Letter of James. Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester, England: Eerdmans; Apollos, 2000. Print. The Pillar New Testament Commentary.

Dare To Be A Sinner… You Actually Already Are!

“Confess your faults one to another” (James 5:16). He who is alone with his sin is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!

"But it is the grace of the Gospel, which is so hard for the pious to understand, that it confronts us with the truth and says: You are a sinner, a great, desperate sinner; now come, as the sinner that you are, to God who loves you. He wants you as you are; He does not want anything from you, a sacrifice, a work; He wants you alone. “My son, give me thine heart” (Prov. 23.26). God has come to you to save the sinner. Be glad! This message is liberation through truth. You can hide nothing from God. The mask you wear before men will do you no good before Him. He wants to see you as you are, He wants to be gracious to you. You do not have to go on lying to yourself and your brothers, as if you were without sin; you can dare to be a sinner...

"In confession the break-through to community takes place. Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation. Sin wants to remain unknown. It shuns the light. In the darkness of the unexpressed it poisons the whole being of a person. This can happen even in the midst of a pious community. In confession the light of the Gospel breaks into darkness and seclusion of the heart. The sin must be brought into the light. The unexpressed must be openly spoken and acknowledged. All that is secret and hidden is made manifest. It is a hard struggle until the sin is openly admitted. But God breaks the gates of brass and bars of iron (Ps. 107:16).

"Since the confession of sin is made in the presence of a Christian brother, the last stronghold of self-justification is abandoned. The sinner surrenders; he gives up all his evil. He gives his heart to God, and he finds the forgiveness of all his sin in the fellowship of Jesus Christ and his brother.

"The expressed, acknowledged sin has lost all its power."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

Thoughts on Fear While Ministering at the Hacienda

Empathy Not Sympathy

We recently had a time of testimony during a worship service about our outreach at the Hacienda (a recovery home for women coming out of addiction and incarceration). What stood out during this time was the great fear that many described they had to overcome.  Following the service, Alice Witt offered some helpful insights on our obvious (and perhaps misplaced) “fears” when dealing with people in recovery from addiction and prison. There is a real danger of pride in thinking that we are "better" than they are.  That because our sins are more respectable, we may become proud. And that some of our fear is related to this perception. I asked her to write out some thoughts for us, and with a few edits, they are below. They can help us take another step in learning how to love our neighbors in need.

People in recovery are frequently referred to as “those people.” You know, the scary ones with extra earrings, tattoos, extreme haircuts, and the lingering smell of nicotine. Their “sins” are obvious. The outward manifestations and consequences of their sin are visible to the world. Some of our sins are not so obvious, but the wreckage from all our sins is the same. And so is the price that Jesus had to pay for our redemption. ACTUALLY, I’m one of those people. Daily, I face the consequences of sin in my life.

Recovery really means learning how to live with and grow my scars, patterns of sin, and deepest struggles. “Those people” struggle with shame and trust issues at the core of their being. Trusting anyone could be dangerous. The answer for them is isolation and defensiveness. The antidote for shame is empathy, not sympathy. Empathy brings people together; sympathy can separate them. We may ask, what’s the difference? Actually, the terms are often confused. Empathy says, “Sister, I know. I struggle too.” Sympathy says, “I’m so sorry you struggle with that (inwardly thinking, “I’m so glad that’s not me”). We need to be loved in spite of the sin in our lives. We need to be loved by people who recognize that they too are deeply involved in heinous sin. All of us are “icky” and “messy."

When I think of working in recovery ministry I often feel self conscious because one of us is an outsider…probably me. The feeling is awkward because I wonder what I have to offer. If I have empathy, then what I may have to offer is a sense of hope. Hope because Jesus took my sin at the cross and He uses trials and temptations to make me more like Him. There is a real risk that we will be rejected by people in recovery if we bring the mentality of “doing good in the hood”. By this I mean doing anything that may make me feel good about myself because I helped out the heathen. We shouldn’t feel sorry for people we are trying to bring the message of hope to because feeling sorry causes shame. Unconsciously, this attitude can creep in when I think of ministering TO others. My efforts will be met with scorn if I somehow convey that my sin is not so bad as theirs. This is a ministry “with”, not ministry “to” people as we recognize our similarities not our differences… “brother I know. I’ve been divorced, drink too much, spend too much, use sarcasm, have had dishonest business dealings, cheat on my taxes, lie, steal, cheat, even Murder (there’s a new law in the land…).” In this ministry with our “brothers and sisters” in this brokenness, we must show them that we love them as they are, that we are no better than they are, and share with them the hope we have found in Jesus.

A number of years ago The Well Community Church found that when providing Christmas gifts for families who could not afford to buy Christmas gifts for their families, the father’s were conspicuously absent at the time of delivery. Inquiries led to the discovery that the fathers were feeling shame because they were not the ones providing gifts for their families. In subsequent years, church members continued to buy gifts but instead of delivering the gifts to the homes of each family, they used those gifts to stock their thrift store. Families were then invited to shop at the thrift store. Instead of avoiding the distribution of gifts, the father’s came and did the shopping. Instead of shame, they felt empowered as the providers for their families. Hope was instilled and shame healed.

Ministry to people in recovery must exude the attitude that we are each “one of those people.” I promise to love you in spite of your hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Will you love me, too, in spite of mine?